Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I wish I could write down that I've had a miraculous full healing and I can do everything I once did and more, but I can't.  In honesty, I'm not sure a full healing is in my cards.  I've been slowly coming to grips with that as I've ventured further in time away from my brain tumor, and I must say, it hasn't been easy.  I don't want to miss pointing out that although I have not been healed 100%, I still believe I've been miraculously healed.  I believe there is no other way I'd be here let alone capable of what I am without God.  He has upheld me and given me strength, courage, wisdom, love, support and encouragement throughout it all. I also have amazing family and friends who have gone above & beyond to make me feel as close to normal as possible.  Despite this, I still have much work to do on myself with acceptance.  It isn't about just accepting this happened or what my future may be, its about accepting me and what I've become.  I've heard and shared many times that God doesn't make mistakes. I believe this, but I'm learning to accept, embrace and love the new parameters I now feel I have.

So then... what does it mean to be healed? When will I know I'm done? Will I ever be done?

Questions I'm still trying to answer... so here's what I've come up with so far...

The Free Dictionary online gave me this...

v. healed, healing, heals
1.To restore to health or soundness; cure.
2.To set right; repair
3.To restore (a person) to spiritual wholeness.
To become whole and sound; return to health.

In my bible study, I came across some scripture that really made me think...

Psalm 30:2
New International Version (NIV)
Lord my God, I called to you for help, 
    and you healed me.

Psalm 107:19-21

New International Version (NIV)
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them; 
    he rescued them from the grave. 
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love 
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.

So the journey continues...please pray for me as 
I tread this rocky trail of acceptance.


  1. "Aunt Sandi"May 30, 2012 at 9:33 PM

    Acceptance of ourselves is one of the hardest tasks for most women. We struggle with what we think we should be - but - if God has created us for "such a time as this..." shouldn't we love what God has done in us? I know I struggle as well with self acceptance but know God continues to be our sustainer of life! You go girl! I am loving how you are letting God use you and your many gifts. You are an awesome mommy, I understand you are a great daughter, sister and wife also. Keep up the good work that has been started in you to finish the journey!!

  2. Just catching up on your last few entries :) Thank you for sharing your journey on such a personal level. When I kept the Caring Bridge journal for my dad, it was initially a way to give people updates. But slowly I realized it was therapeutic for me, so my entries became more personal. Love you my dear!

  3. Thank you Sandi & Jell Bell - I came across your lovely words today and I certainly needed them, so THANK YOU. God allows us to walk through much and thankfully He remains by our sides through it all.