Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Subtle Changes

I haven't written in a while because I have had lots going on. I am reminded again that subtle change, no matter how big or small, is change. To that I am so grateful! I have noticed a lot of these lately in my daily walk. I can remember how long it took me to complete certain tasks that now only take a fraction 0f the time they once did. Feeling is starting to return to my right side and I look forward to the weird hot. numb, just woke up feeling that is continually there. My vision appears to be getting better too, in fact, I am hoping this week or next to move down to a 5 prism on my left eye glass lens. Yeah! Praise the Lord! Because it appears that my swallowing is connected to cranial nerve damage, it has been slow to begin returning, which led to a tough weekend for me. On Saturday, my family and I celebrated Zach turning three and as part of that we had a pizza party with Moose's Tooth pizza. Well if you've ever been there, you will understand how desperately I wanted to partake of the yumminess that filled my house. Instead I had to stand around while everyone else took their share of goodness and my house became quiet as people enjoyed what they had. I on the other hand, tried to hold back tears because I was again different from everyone else. My heart hurt because I wasn't all the mom I wanted t0 be. It was tough. I was reminded that not it my time, but God's.
This week, I have been confused, annoyed, angry, unsure and sad in dealing with the issue of therapy and whether my insurance would continue to cover my care. I feel like I am at a road block and the signs have been moved away and I have been given the green light, but this insurance thing stalled my car. Today, I think it has been worked out and my Speech Therapy will continue. Just another hiccup in the road.
Today, I also had a pedicure. Thank you Dad & Shari for helping me to relax for a moment and let myself be pampered.

More to come.....

Until then......


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Been a little absent...

Let's see if I can update you....

Today, is my first day off Keppra, my anti-seizure medication. Saying that is both a relief and worry. I never had seizures before so I hope that they have decided to abandon me. NO MORE SEIZURES PLEASE!

Lets see... what else... I got a 54 out of 56 on my neurology test today in PT :) when I did it in April I got a 47 - now I know what to work on. A neurology test you ask... here is the best way I can explain it: a neurology test is a standardized test that measures your ability to basically control your balance. I would have failed it (no points) before my time in rehab (hospital & out patient). It measures your ability to do basic tasks like to sit up straight without falling over, to standing with your feet together without falling over, and to my favorite balance on one foot for 10 seconds without falling over (repeat this 9 out of 10 tries). I know it sounds easy, but for someone like me, it is quite a challenge. Even more frustrating is I use to be great at balance, holding my leg in the air for minutes without falling. Ugh! If only I could have a sense of humor over this :( I've definitely been discouraged lately about my current status. I want to know the unanswerable, is this as good as it gets? My soul longs to be able to chase my children without the fear of falling or seizures. I want to share a date with my wonderful husband that involves eating out. I want to be able to take a cat nap on a lazy fall weekend without the fear of aspirating. I know this and so much more is a lot to ask, but I have to believe my God is big enough! To those of you out there with 'normal' lives, please relish it, enjoy and take pleasure in the simple things. Don't be frustrated by silly things, it could be so much worse. Trust me, I've got it good compared to others and to that I'm thankful!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Yesterday was a hard day. I went to the funeral for my friend and had the blessed pleasure of hugging his remarkable wife. She is incredible! If you don't know her than you are certainly missing out. Not only was she a remarkable wife, but she is an amazing mother and friend. As I held her and hoped I could take away her pain, I was reminded of the love that her and Mason shared. They met in our teen group at Church and I swear it was instant attraction. They dated in the end of high school and into college and were married Jun 2001. I remember the look that Mason had for Angelle and she for him. WOWIE! Talk about fireworks. It was beautiful! That love matured and blossomed into three beautiful children. Now as the big events are done and Angelle is left to pick up the pieces of her life, I wish I could change it. I really don't understand why anyone has to feel like she does now, why a person so young, full of life and love, has to die, unexpectedly. As I reflected on this, I couldn't help but think that my family had much of this to go through just a few months ago. I can't change time in either circumstance, I can't erase the pain that has been felt by all those involved. I can only THANK GOD that He is and was there. As I had my operation, He was with me. He was with my family as they sat in the hospital wondering what and why. He is there with Angelle as she takes every moment as it comes. He was and is with Mason just like he always promised He would be. He is ever faithful!

So now as I sit and wonder what I can do to help make this pain/void a little bit better, I am dumbfounded. I plan to cook meals and kidnap my friend for a pedicure. I plan to do whatever this healing body is capable of doing. I plan to be there t0 support my friend and her boys in whatever life throws at them. I love them so. If you know them or don't please visit to consider helping them. Think about if it were you. When I am posed with that revelation, all I can think was, it almost was (my husband & family). May they never doubt how much I love them.


Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Sad Day

Although I have my own struggles, I am constantly reminded that it could be worse. Today as I rejoiced at the fact I am noticing positive changes in my vision and was able to chew and swallow two Trix today, I was notified that a friend of mine had passed away. I have known this friend since Jr. High, we were in youth group at church together, and have remained connected throughout the years, attending the same college, and having children around the same time. Unfortunately for us, God called Him home. He was an excellent friend, son, husband, and father. Right now it feels surreal and I ache so badly for his wife and children (3 boys, 3 and under). It is sobering to know that while they attempt to sort through this situation that my family was doing similar things about 6 months ago when they were unsure I was going to survive. I am grateful I am alive and I wish I could rewind time for my friend. I just don't understand! I know that God has a plan and that He will be faithful to it and to these families impacted by such a horrible loss, I just don't get it. Today, I will chose to pray for my friend, her babies and that God will reveal to her, His answers. I pray that if she needs me in any way, that I may be there to help. She is such an awesome person - in fact the quote on her facebook was - "O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." ~ Psalm 62:8, NLT

WOW! Prophetic enough. God will be her refuge during this time! Please pray for them.


Saturday, September 04, 2010

What Keeps Me Busy

Well if you don't count my two little boys, I stay busy with PT, ST, and a lot of arts & crafts kind of things.... I am currently dressing 20 bears for the Salvation Army Teddy Bear Tea, I have my birthday shopping done through the end of the year and am halfway done with Christmas, my Christmas letter is mostly done, I have planned both boys' birthday parties and have hand made the invitations, and I cook constantly although I am not eating yet. Go to keep myself busy.


Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Good News

I have great news! I heard from my Neurologist office yesterday that my EEG (you should hear me try and say that :) Nope, not gonna happen) results are normal and I can begin to wean off of the anti-sezuire medication. Yeah! Pray for no seziures from here on out. In three weeks, assuming all goes well, I will be done with that med. Then four weeks after that, I can drive again. It has been almost a year that I have driven. This all started on Halloween 2009- vertigo started and so my trips out and about have been with others unless I wasn't going far and I felt fine. I think I actually stopped driving in November for good. Oh, I am so excited for life to return to normalcy. Just gotta kick this swallow thing into gear and ensure I am safe with walking and balance. It's always something. You know it has been so long since I felt NORMAL that I am wondering if I will recognize it. Now my goal is to get over my icky cold (imagine that with no swallow reflex - let's just say I have not slept to well or much the past few days).

Thanks again for listening and please keep praying for me - I appreciate it a ton!