Friday, June 17, 2011

Fathers... What can you say?

I have to start off by saying I've been blessed. Yes, in reference to my brain tumor but I'm not talking about that (I know for once). I am blessed to have an incredible husband, amazing children, and outstanding family. Since this Sunday is Father's Day, I want to take a moment and brag about the father of my children. Not only is he my best friend, but he's given me two of the best gifts I could ever receive (my boys)!

Darren is remarkable! Throughout this last year and a half, I've seen a new side to him. As I recovered through various stages, he has taken on more than his share of the load, learned new skills, and displayed beautiful grace and acceptance. Even when I was in ICU unable to communicate effectively, walk, or swallow, he still looked at me with eyes of love. Who would do that? We always wish that those we love will step up when time comes and we cannot guarantee it, but its amazing when it happens, when your hope is fulfilled. I know this hasn't been easy for him, but I am thankful to walk this path with him. What an incredible man of strength, love, care, responsibility, and grace! I am in awe of that!

This past week, he had a horrible job, one that I do not envy at all. In fact, I was glad he got to do it. Last week, I tried my hand at independence. I signed Zach up for a week long soccer camp in the morning and I didn't arrange for any help with the boys. My plan was to take both Zach & Kadin to this camp and while Zach played, I would wander around with Kadin in the stroller. Well for me. the idea of this was scary. I had a lot of what if''s whirling around my brain. For example: what if Zach ran off? how would I catch him? what if he got hurt? how would I wrangle both boys? what if he acted up? would he listen? would it be blatantly obvious I was different? would I manage? the list goes on and on. I almost scared myself out of not going, but I knew that it would be good for me and for Zach. So, we did it. Someone from my family showed up everyday just to encourage and support Zach but, I am sure that I would have been fine if I had been alone. Zach had a blast and really liked his coach. He was a typical three year old boy. He listened and paid attention when it was convenient for him. He ran, kicked, dribbled, and had a great time. We survived! Kadin did too! He just hung out in his stroller and was happy as long as I remembered his snack ;0) So we survived soccer camp and then at lunch time on Friday, Zach had an accident. He was running to look out a low kitchen window to see what his Dad was doing when he tripped on his own feet and smacked his forehead on the window sill. Blood began pouring from his forehead where it had just split open. I tried to get Darren's attention as he watered the back yard and applied pressure to stop the bleeding. Our Pediatrician warned us when Zach was little that head wounds bleed a lot. Kadin began crying. Darren came into chaos, he didn't hear my warnings. We decided to rush him to the doctors office, which has a satellite office down the road. They were closed for lunch, so Darren took him to First Care, right next door to the doctor's office. They said it would need stitches or super glue. He called me for conference. I thought that super glue wouldn't hold up for active Zach and I opted for stitches, but I asked that our Pediatricians office do it because we've had back experiences with Nurse Practitioners doing them. They went to the other office and were seen soon after arrival because I had called and warned them. Darren says this is what happened. The Nurse brought them back and Darren said "I'm not sure if this needs stitches or if I'm a worried parent." The Nurse peeled back to band aid and then quickly left to get the Doctor. He didn't want to do super glue either so stitches it was. Here comes the fun (yeah right)! They had to strap Zach down to do the stitches and he wriggled out due to the intensity of his anger & fear. From what I understand, Darren will not be taking either one of our children for anymore stitches. It traumatized them both. Three stitches later and a mega Popsicle later Zach returned home. We thought that was bad enough but Darren had to take him in Wednesday to get the stitches out. We thought that would be easy, but we were wrong. Zach remembered the previous experience and fought again. This time Darren opted to hold him rather than have him strapped to a board again. Lets just say it was equally traumatic and Zach took a bit to warm back up to Daddy again. I've had t0 change the band aid the past few days and after hesitation and much convincing, we've been successful. That has been hard to watch him go through. What a strong & courageous big boy he's been. Hopefully, that is his first and only set of stitches. Hey, I got my first set at 31 with my brain surgery and Darren got his first real ones at 30 with his leg surgery. Hoping anyways. What a remarkable Daddy! I love him so! Thank you Darren for doing that so I could be the comforter Mom afterward.

Happy Father's Day to my Dad too. Thanks for all the laughable moments during our pedicure dates ;0) I love them!


P.s. Congrats Michael for being TUBE FREE! I'm so happy for you. Here's to chocolate malts!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Goal Reached

Throughout my recovery, I have had small and large goals that I've set for myself. So far, I've accomplished many and yesterday was no exception. Before I had Kadin (February 2010), I told myself that I was gonna do the Alaska Run for Women to bring awareness to breast cancer. Then life happened and that June I was still wobbly on my legs and that didn't seem plausible. So, I set a goal for completing it June 2011. They have a 1 mile walk/run or 5K walk/run. Even though I'm ambitious, I faced reality and analyze what I could probably do. My heart wants more than my body will allow :0) So yesterday, Jaime and I took on the 1 mile walk. To some, that probably sounds easy, but for me, it was a challenge. Not only do I hope my legs, core & hips work right, I also have to deal with my vision and the messages it receives. This was a tough walk for me. About 50 yards into it, I was ready to call it quits. I felt pushed and rushed by those people behind me, which caused me to be severely frustrated and upset. Instead of quitting, I stepped aside and let the group pass me. After that, I was able to concentrate more on my walking and less on those around me. The sun was beautiful and warm, but the switch between dark to light as we went in and out of shaded areas really challenged my brains ability to process all that I was asking of it. I did finish the 1 mile walk in the end. I wish I could have run it, but that wasn't in my cards. There is always next year.

Thanks for all the encouragement!


Thursday, June 09, 2011


Tomorrow is the final day of Zach's soccer camp. Only one day has been a struggle and he's made a new friend too. This was my attempt at independence. I take both boys to the stadium by myself and it has worked well. Everyday, someone from my family has shown up to support Zach so if I got into trouble, they would be there. It has been so awesome to watch Zach out on the field running, kicking, and playing. He is one of 5 in his age group. There are two little girls that listen well, there is another boy that is a little older than Zach that pays attention and then there is Zach and Rick, his new friend. They listen pretty well when they are in a huddle but they are easily distracted with airplanes, soccer balls, and each other. It is quite comical and frustrating at the same time that their coach knows their names not for excellent ball skills but for losing attention. He often holds Zach's hand or has him help him lead an exercise so he'll stay close. For those of you who know Zach, he loves this personalized attention. I so appreciate the coach who I believe the following: 1. is younger than me, 2. wishes he had a cold one right after Zach's group, and 3. has probably sworn off having children, ever. This has been a definite learning experience for me, where I try to stay out of it and let the coach handle it all. For those who know me, know this has been a struggle, but I've succeeded.

This weekend, I am signed up to run one mile in the Alaska Run for Women. This is to raise awareness for Breast Cancer. I don't plan on breaking any records, I just plan to run the whole mile. I know that doesn't sound very hard, but for me, it will be. I'll let you know how it turns out.


Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Lesson Learned

Happy Spring!

Now that I have that off my chest, I can really get to the good stuff. Well, I guess its good. After I had been home from the hospital a few months after my surgery & resulting hospitalization, Darren presented me with an IPhone 4. I have never had or really cared about having the newest and latest gadget, but I was so excited. He said that he wanted me to have something that was reliable for those times I was out or for when I started driving (in winter, mind you). I have really enjoyed this phone; checking e-mail or face book, taking pictures of my kids, discovering a new recipe, whatever I wanted. My only complaint was that I couldn't update my blog from my phone, hence the delays in posting. Over the past month and a half, this phone, has driven me crazy. It has shut down and completely stopped working, wiping out my calendar, pictures, and such. Darren has tried and successfully restored it twice, but this last time, no luck. I hadn't even had the opportunity to return from a friend's cabin during Memorial Day weekend, when it went kaput. No hope was had. Gone were 175 photos I had taken and yet to download. Ugh! A new phone (refurbished) was sent to me to replace the one I currently own and I hope this one performs to a higher magnitude that its counterpart.

So, why am I mentioning this? Well, I didn't realize until now, how much I depend on my phone. I realized I would rather focus on something better than my emails and face book. I am not kidding anyone, even myself, when I say that I won't use this phone a ton. For calls? No, for emails, face book, Internet browsing, and such. I now know that I need to refocus myself on God and what He has to say. It isn't enough that I have a devotional app or that I get a scripture of the day sent to me, I need to lay down the phone and focus on what really matters, time with Him.

Enough from my soapbox. This wont be an easy change for me, but I know it will be worth it.

Thanks for listening (reading).