Thursday, October 28, 2010


So the last few days have been interesting to say the least. I have started driving again and although that brings a larger sense of freedom, it is scary too. They keep mentioning the S word (snow) and that makes me apprehensive. I have driven myself to the grocery store a few times and to therapy and thankfully have done well. A whole new step for me. I have had an awesome Speech Pathologist step in to work with me while my primary Speech Therapist gallivants around Madagascar, I hope safely. Kelly is her name and she is awesome. She really gets me and lets me melt down when I am frustrated with my less than pleasing swallow status. We laugh a lot and I think that helps too. She has told me that when this is all over, I should write a book. I would love to do that! Lets see... what else made it remarkable.... I visited my Neurosurgeon and for the first time in 8 months I finally understood that I was "walking dead' when I first met him in February. And I must add I was not walking very well,,, ha ha ha, sorry my weird humor. I left my appointment with him now realizing that the tumor was peeled off of my brain stem not just resting up against it. No wonder I have had such trouble! I think that newly understood knowledge will allow me to stop beating myself up when something doesn't go perfectly.

Another cool thing was a friend asked me to write a synopsis of the last 8 months for our college class letter. What a honor! I love to share all that God has done because He certainly has begun a good work in me, I am just trying to be patient to let Him complete it. Another thing that we are tossing around is going out of state to get a second opinion on my swallow. I have lots of questions and I want to make sure that we go to a great swallowing clinic that will be able to assist me. I am confident that God will again take the reigns and direct this path for me. Please keep this new revelation in your prayers. Thank you!

Happy Halloween to all! Check out the picture I took tonight - Argh! Can you guess what I am?


Sunday, October 24, 2010

New Things

Well my posts have been less frequent as I have gained more Independence in life and allowed to have some of my normal tasks back. My Mother-in-law is stepping back to allow me more time as caregiver. I have survived thus far and the boys have been extra helpful by not napping. Ugh! Some days are longer than others. Last week I reached my clearance to begin driving and yesterday was my first solo trip. I ventured out to Fred Meyers at 7 am to miss most of the other drivers. I did my grocery shopping and then returned home. Today I drove myself to Church as all the boys have a cold. I sure feel more independent. I only wish I could stop by Starbucks and treat myself. It will come. I also attended the Salvation Army Teddy Bear Tea with my Mom. I had 20 bears that we entered this year and we got 1 First Place and 2 Second Place ribbons. Yeah! I came home and with my Mom's help, finished some Snickers cupcakes that Darren will bring into work tomorrow.

What else... sad news.... Today at Church was Communion. This is usually a great time for me where I can refocus on Christ and the gift our heavenly Father gave us. Because of my inability to swallow, I was unable to participate. I still was able to reconnect with God, but this symbol was missing. This really hit me hard, almost like a slap to the face. I am not sure why their is a delay in my swallow returning, but it sure is hard on me. Please pray for me strength and endurance through this. I just want to eat again and I know God can heal this too. I have been so blessed already, but I am begging for this.

Thanks again!


Monday, October 11, 2010


Sorry I haven't written in a while, I have been consumed with life and changes that are taking place. In an attempt to normalize our house we have cut back the number of hours my mother-in-law is here, thereby allowing me to care for my children without help. It is our attempt at seeing how I handle the added stress and such. So far, so good. Now saying that, I am sure my afternoon will be hectic and crazy. Let's hope not. So what else has happened the last few weeks.... I had some miscommunication with my insurance company, advocate, and providers that sure got me nervous. At one point it appeared that I was going to drop to one speech therapy a week - but I am still unable to swallow enough to sustain me and although my speech is getting better, I have a ways to go. Thankfully, it all seems to have resolved. My speech therapist is out of town for a month and I have another awesome therapist working with me. I hope to get swallowing larger amounts and to clean up my speech so that Anne is shocked when she returns from her hiatus.

Prayer request: I am really having a hard time with this no eating thing the last few days. Until you are in my shoes it is hard to understand because it is normally so automatic. Unfortunately, for me, it isn't anymore. Please keep this matter in prayer as it is really starting to weigh on my heart and spirit. I want to go on a date to a restaurant with my husband and share a stack of pancakes with my oldest son. I want to cook a meal that both my little man and I can enjoy. I am just really frustrated with this.

Thankful - Yesterday Kadin was dedicated by our Music Minister at church. I have known Jenny since I was in Jr. High and it was an honor to have her dedicate him. I for the first time since my tumor resection was able to tell why Kadin's birth was a miracle and why I call him my miracle baby. Hopefully everyone understood me - I just give God the glory for His good work so far in me.

In a few days, I will be cleared to drive again. Watch out world! Just kidding... I am going to practice in a parking lot first. Oh I look forward to the freedom, I just wish I were eating so I could run to a deli and grab myself a yummy sandwich. Oh I can't wait. I also celebrate my 8 month mark on the 25th of this month. Most people assume that after 6 months you are done making improvements - HA! Not me! I am still progressing in speech and physical therapy. Praise God!

Thanks again for all your support, prayers, love, and concern.