Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Finding Center - my path to rediscovery of it, physically & spiritually. First PT exercise while in the hospital was relearning my "center" by making sure I was not leaning to one side or the other. This step was critical if i wanted to walk again. Family was asked to cue me to "line up" when they noticed I was leaning. I had a spot on the wall in my room that I'd square up with & then I'd ask for confirmation I was truly lined up. This was tough to do, especially with double vision, which at that point I didn't realize I had. It took a day or two to get my brain back in the swing. It was explained to me a number of times during this period that my brain was confused and was lying to me about a lot of things, especially my balance and it's many components. So, why is it critical to find your physical "center"? PT's response - "your brain calculates where you are in space based on information from the body position - staying over your center requires knowing where you are in space and being able to return to it after you leave it - basically it's the only thing keeping you from falling with every movement" (thanks Irene & LeAnne). Okay so now that I've regained that for the most part... (I can still feel my lean & instead of my brain just fixing it, sometimes I have to have some inner dialogue). But, what about your spiritual walk? I learned the importance of my center in my physical walk, but what was "my center" in my spiritual walk? And so the journey began...and TRUST me it's not over. I figure I'll be working on this the rest of my life, as I suspect we all should be. So here's what happened so far. I had this major thing happen and I had a choice to make. I could face my situation with fear of what lay before me or I could face my situation with faith that God would care for me. I chose Faith and my journey hasn't slowed down since. God has continued to heal me in a remarkable way. Over two years now, I still am noticing changes. Trusting God that He'll heal me, please don't think I'm expecting a complete healing. My expectation is that God will heal me according to His plan and He has exceeded my initial expectation. When you are laying in a hospital bed unable to walk, talk, or swallow, your beside yourself when you surpass a wheelchair, walker, and other aides I once had. In reality, I was discharged with a lot of 'necessity items' (walker, suction machine, handlebars on toliets, blood pressure cuff, handicap parking tag, feeding tube & food, meds). I think all but the feeding tube and a few meds were gone by six months post op. Praise God!!!!! As soon as the tube was out 14 months post op, so were the meds. I started driving a little after 6 months post op and have been moving ever since. Eleven months post op, I joined the gym and have been faithfully going , my goal is three days a week. I can't stress this enough, ALL of this is possible because of God! While I've been healing physically, I've been spending more time in God's word. I've begun doing devotions daily and have returned to church, which I had stopped going to when I first became sick in October 2010 because of fear of how I'd be received. Now, even with my very present deficits, I'm still welcomed with open arms & warms smiles. Gods word has become exciting to me and I am starting to enjoy it! By focusing on God, I've truly been able to enjoy the blessings He has given me. I'm working at getting "my center" focused on Him. We are called in Hebrews 12:2 to 'fix our eyes on Jesus' and in Matthew 6:33 to 'seek ye first the kingdom of God'. By realigning ourselves with God, we are capable of incredible things. So, does this mean I have it all figured out? No way! I still struggle daily and I still have 'hot spots' that need God's attention & my focus, repentance & redirection. I'm not perfect, but it's amazing when God reveals stuff to you how important it is to 'finding center' in Him. Please continue to pray for me and my recovery. I'm trying to be bold & trusting here, so, please pray for my anger & it's ability to rear it's quick ugly head and for frustrations I come across with my deficits and how they impact being a wife and mother. Thank you! Blessings.