This blog is designed to share my journey of recovery with friends and family. Hopefully it will be informative and inspirational. Before anything I want to demonstrate God's amazing power to heal and restore as He has performed in my life.
One of the things I thought a lot about when I was in the hospital was my family. Most of my thoughts focused on my husband, Darren and my boys, Zachary and Kadin. In the early days, when I felt so horrible and was sure I was dying, I tried to convince Darren to move on and forget about me and I tried to give my boys to my sister Jaime. Its really painful for me to think about that now, but honestly that was my perceived reality. My brain was so foggy and I was so sick I was sure I was dying and if you ask my doctors at the time, they wouldn't guarantee anything. The further I got into recovery, the more thankful I was to be alive, but it became painfully aware to me that life was not the same. My ideas and dreams of family vacation to Hawaii where we zip lined through the trees and rode down the side of a volcano at sunrise were all but gone. No longer could I do these things and this devastated me, What good was I anymore??? God has taken the last 3+ years to show me I am much more than I understood. I am capable of many things and with Him I cannot be stopped. I am confident I am still healing and change is around each corner. May He continued to be glorified in it all.
I have always loved pictures and they have become even more meaningful now. When I was pregnant with Kadin, I had Jennifer Hughes capture some great shots of our expanding family. I was then dealing with the effects of being pregnant and the brain tumor (although I didn't know it yet). Then we were back for newborn shots when Kadin was just a few days old. Now, I wasn't pregnant but I still suffered with the extreme vertigo and migraines. Before Jennifer could even get the proofs back to us, I was in ICU. When she called to tell us they were ready, my family had to inform her of where I was. I am sure that was a shocker. But as a woman of faith, I know I coveted a few of her prayers in the days and weeks that followed. My sister Jaime went to get the proofs and brought them to me in ICU. I was so excited to see them. I was excited to show them off. All the Nurses, Doctors and Therapists came by and looked at them and reminded me why I was fighting. Because of the environment of ICU, Zachary was unable to come visit me. Thank goodness for technology because Darren was able to catch moments on his IPhone to share with me. They allowed Kadin into ICU via an incubator that they would use in NICU. He was transported in and out via that. It was hard to see him, but so critical. I did not understand that at the time, but I do now. Part of my healing was holding him and feeding him and using all my extremely limited energy to do this. We were able to capture some of these memories when I was a bit stronger and Zachary was able to join us at the hospital when I moved out of ICU.
SO family pictures.... we went back at my year anniversary and again took pictures with Jennifer and they were fabulous. I have treasured them. But these boys keep growing, so we decided to do it again. Jennifer, my photographer and sweet friend has given me some to share. Enjoy!!!!
Where does time go? I have the best intention to update this but then chores have to be done, I need to pick someone up or take someone to something, or someone wants to eat. Awwww Life. It's great, but busy and from what I hear it's only gonna get busier (right Wendy?). What has been fulfilling my time?????
Kadin went to the Dentist for the first time and Thankfully got a Thumbs Up!!!!
We finally did updated family pictures!!! Three years.... yikes I was really behind. Thank you Jennifer Hughes for capturing such wonderful shots of my family. I am so blessed to have the family I do. What loves! Even though they drive me BONKERS at least weekly, I wouldn't trade them for anything. More in another post!
Zachary turned six and we had a Star Wars Jedi Training Camp with all the neighborhood kids and our family. SO FUN BUT SO LOUD! More in another post!
Went to Phoenix with my Mom and Jaime! Had a great time shopping, eating, and laughing. Got to have breakfast with an old dear friend Lindsey too! More in another post!
Now Fall is in high gear and before I know it the snow will be flying and it'll be time to bake cookies and wrap presents. AHHHHH - now I am stressed. Gotta Go!
I've been trying for weeks to summarize the summer and share all the exciting
things God let happen, but I hit a writing roadblock before I even begin. I
think I'm tired from getting the boys back into school life. This year Zach is
a Kindergartner & Kadin is a Preschooler. My how time flies. It has been a
whirlwind of Dentist visits, Doctor check ups, paperwork, school clothes &
supplies. Now that they're both in school, I can take a breath. So here
I always imagined as a little girl what it'd be like to be a Mom.
Some of it has turned out as I thought, some has been worse, and much has been
incredibly better. I hoped that I'd be able to stay at home with my kids and
I've been lucky & blessed enough (most days) to do it. Having kids is a hard
job, especially during the summer when there isn't anything like school to
distract them. Over the past few years since my surgery, I haven't been free to
enjoy the activities of summer. Play dates were always at my house, because I
couldn't chase after my kids at a park (for fun or danger). I always had to
have another adult with me to help with this care if we did venture out because
I was so scared something would happen. This year we had play dates at local
parks every week if not multiple times per week. I didn't feel like I needed
anyone else to help me keep an eye & ear out for my boys. Thankfully they
are old enough know to listen & behave when we are out and boy did we get
out! praise God! We had a beautiful summer & so we all earned vitamin D in
droves. In addition to this, Zach had swimming & soccer. I often took both
boys to swimming by myself which I'd never though I'd be able to do. I even
brought them to soccer games by myself & on a day that we were to bring
snack. Arms full for sure. But we (I) did it & that is a miracle. I
figured when I was discharged from the hospital that I'd recover somewhat, but
I'd always need help getting out. God blew down that expectation. We went to
parks, grocery shopping, visits to Darren at work, and much more. I am so
thankful for Gods blessing on not only the healing of my body, but the healing
of my mind. For me it's easy to let my mind talk me out of situations that are
new or I'm unsure about and throughout this summer I embarked on these
adventures with a complete sense of ease. God could ONLY provide this peace!
New International Version (NIV)
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I hope you join
with me in rejoicing in Gods goodness in this. He has given me more confidence
and faith in being a Mother and that is an incredible
Note: These are not in any particular order...in fact they are way out of order...never less enjoy! Included is soccer, swimming, four wheeling, hair cuts, dentist visit, lost tooth, treats for Daddy's office, camping, feeding the ducks, play dates, visits to Gappy's school starting... I know I am missing many, but here is a nice representation.