Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Since my surgery & resulting deficits, we (my family and I) have asked the same question of all my Doctors, will I ever be 100%?

I have many thoughts on this... So here goes...

Will I ever be 100% - my answer is probably not, but what percentage will the end be and what does it look like? I was asked today to evaluate what percentage I thought I was, and my answer was 85%. I factored in my vision, balance/walking, speech, and my new voice. Can I get to 100%? To that I say, with God anything is possible! (Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”NIV). Do I think that will happen? I don't know but it will if only it fits into God's plan.

I have not interviewed my Doctors, Nurses, or Therapists to find out where they'd thought I'd be now, I wish I had, but judging from their reactions, I'm doing better than what they expected. For that I say, Praise God! I'm made new because He's restoring me.

Am I the same? Heavens No! Ask family especially and they'll be quick to point out those not so subtle ways I've changed. Is it all for the better? I'd say, most of it is, but I wish my 'quick to anger' button hadn't been re-wired. I guess that gives God another opportunity to teach me to be 'slow to anger' just as scripture says in James 1:19 - My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,. But on a side note, I feel that I am more genuine and real with people now. I'm not afraid of stating exactly how I feel.

The big question? If you could go back to 100% of what you were before anything happened and not experience any of the changes that have happened since, would you?

Nope! Don't get me wrong, I thought I was a fairly decent person before everything, but this experience has taught me so much about who I am & has given me insight into who I want to be. If all that comes with a gimp, different voice & drawn out meals, I'll take it. I feel like I'm experiencing life from a whole new perspective. Is it tough having these deficits? Yes, it is, but it's doable. I'm not asking for easy, I'm asking for possible (borrowed from Bethany Hamilton in Soul Surfer). Life's too short - fight for what you want. Believe in yourself, your ability, and the gifts you have to offer. Keep pushing! I'm discovering almost weekly things that are getting better. I'm so fortunate to be blessed with a strong personality. I'm determined, focused, independent, opinionated, strong willed, and stubborn.

There's no way I'm going to let a brain tumor get me down!