Sunday, July 18, 2010

First Time

Okay, so I know my title is a little lacking, but when you experience something for the FIRST TIME, you tend to remember it. Well, kind of. I don't remember my first bite, first step, first laugh, first sneeze, first yawn and such of childhood. But, after surviving a brain tumor in which I am encountering these firsts again, I am profoundly grateful. You see when I came out of surgery, I couldn't walk, talk, or eat. Now I am walking (sans walker), albeit a little wobbly (just picture how a drunk person staggers = me). I remember the first time I stood up in ICU and was assisted by LeeAnne and CeCe to a chair close by. Man were those first steps scary and agonizing. I know I had done that action before, but my mind just wouldn't do what my brain said. I remember my first time trying to communicate, I couldn't speak so I used the next best thing I could do, sign language. Unfortunately, the only person who semi-understood me was my sister. Thankfully, she was in the waiting room. I think I really stretched her that day, remembering back into our childhood. I know I will remember the first time I get to drink and eat as my miniature swallows are quite torture some. I WANT THE REAL FOOD! I remember my first sneeze (two actually). My Dad was in my room when they happened in Rehab and he looked at me and I said to him, "I just sneezed for the first time" I remember my first burp - my Brain Surgeon found out that I had a love for Dr. Pepper and he gave my nurses an order for some in my peg tube (stomach tube). It made me burp up Dr. Pepper instead of my nasty food Jevity. I still use Coca Cola to clean out my tube and unclog it. Works like a charm :0)

Today, I finally had my first yawn! Some of you are probably rolling your eyes and saying "so what?" It is a big WHAT! This means that my brain is still at work healing itself. What an awesome God, that He allows me to experience these tiny accomplishments. I have come a long way. Yesterday, I heard a message that I left on my Mom's voicemail, while I was in Rehab. I am astonished by how different I sound. It is really hard when I find an old recording of me talking or singing - talk about a direct punch to the gut. In working on my voice, I can again sing a whole octave and can sing parts of songs. I am in awe of this whole process. I am getting better and it is only by God's faithful and awesome grace. Our Pastor talked today about commitment verses vowing. Anyone can vow to do something, but making and following through a commitment is where you see reward. Thank you Romans 12: 1-2 (1) Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. (2)Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Thank you for listening!

Prayer Request: Please pray - On Thursday a friend of a friend (in her 50's or 60's) suffered two aneurysms, one they inserted a coil, to stabilize it, and the other had already burst, so they repaired and are draining blood and fluid from her brain. She is in induced paralysis for at lest 2 days for healing, and prevention of further damage. Long term effects are of course not predicted yet. She has had one of my former favorite nurses in ICU and so I know she is in good hands medically. Overall, I know that she is in the best hands possible, God's. Please pray as she begins this new journey - I ache for her, her husband, and the close friends that told me about her. I remember what it was like and I pray that she wakes up renewed, re-energenized and responsive with an awesome testimony.


1 comment:

  1. Jess, thank you for sharing. We are so proud of your tenacity and strength of spirit. It's been hard to comment, for as you're reliving your journey, we're remembering anxiety as we prayed for you during those scary days. I shared your blog with a friend whose husband died from brain tumors (cancerous), and it brought her to tears also. You'll see my avi has a badge for Team for a Cure - like Team in Training for Leukemia/Lymphoma, but for brain tumor research. So, if you ever do run that 5K or 10K or miracle of miracles a marathon, you'll have plenty of support and perhaps company. Love, Aunt Jean