What you are about to read is a matter of the heart and should be received as such. Sharing ones frustrations, short comings, and such is never easy and my hope is mine will be looked upon with grace, understanding, compassion and love.
Now that's out of the way... as part of my recovery, I've had to relearn new things, but I wasn't ready for all the challenges it entails in being a parent. It is the HARDEST job on the planet. Would I trade it for anything? No! I just want to express that it is tough and to openly talk about that.
"Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty.
My new approach to Parenting! God tells us to lean on Him and I plan to do just that. When you're expecting your first child you have dreams & fantasies of how they'll be, how you'll be, and how your future will appear. However, in my discovery, these ideals rarely occur. They are seemingly just fiction. You have this precious newborn and it suddenly begins to sink in, you are responsible for this little one. You are responsible for teaching & guiding them. Let's be honest, it ISN'T easy. Not in the least! The relationship between parent & child is amazing, but it can be both challenging & rewarding. Professionals & Specialists warn of developmental growing pains like terrible two's and teens, but this leaves so much uncovered. What's a parent to do? When you are trying to help your little one reach adulthood as a responsible individual filled with wonderful attributes like honesty, patience, generosity, love, thankfulness, helpful, etc. How do you wade the murky waters from day 1 to day 8030 (age 22) and still remain sane? I'm really scratching my head on this and I have a 4 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old. I've discovered my system isn't working and it is Extremely hard to admit that. I am not admitting defeat, I'm choosing to change some areas that aren't working so well. I'm choosing to rely on God for help with this because I cannot do it on my own. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband in this shenanigan called child rearing, but at times he's at his wits end too.
I'm not necessarily looking for advice or "survival skills", but I'm trying to be honest and real. I think most Christian and Non Christian parents face this struggle and it's time to talk about it. Let's be honest! This is truly a matter of the heart and this is an incredibly vulnerable spot for me.
I must say, I've probably painted a grim picture of parenting or my children and that certainly isn't factual. I love and adore my boys so much. I love snuggles with them and the way they say "Mommy" when I've been gone for just a few short moments. I love watching them learn and discover. I love watching their kind and loving and generous hearts. I love seeing them hug each other without prompting from anyone. I can't do an adequate job with words telling you how much I love them, but I do. I am proud to be their Mom and I know they were selected just for Darren and I. Maybe that's why this frustration of good parenting is so charged. We take it seriously and it's driven with love. I love my boys beyond a shadow of a doubt, but I certainly don't always like their behaviors. I bet ever parent, of any aged child, can agree with that!
Do I have any quick answers or fixes? Nope! I'm going to keep attempting to refocus on God and ask him for help. I'm going to remain a stickler for manners & consistency and hope and pray that works too. Regardless, I'm going to love those boys without hesitation and remind myself their behaviors are there's and I'm going to try harder to figure out what they're trying to tell me.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
Back to the trenches ;0)
Here are some photos of my little trouble makers whom I love so much!