Wow! I can hardly believe it. Three years ago Sunday, I was being ushered to the
hospital to find out what was wrong. I walked to the awaiting ambulance
(w/fireman help), no sirens and no lights. I talked with the EMT the whole way
to the hospital about my husband Darren who had been his patient a few months
before when he broke his leg during a men's league hockey game. I apologized
for wasting their time in picking me up cause I'm sure others needed their aide
more than I. I arrived at the ER minutes later & I think I walked into the
ER. I was escorted to a hospital bed and I got on and the last thing I remember
is one of the EMT's asking if I felt alright and I responded with 'no, I don't
feel so good.' Boom! Grand Mal Seizure and then blank until bits from a few
days later. I relive the moments before & in the days that follow rarely.
I'm not sure if that's a coping mechanism or because of the time passed and I've begun to feel
somewhat removed. I do know that this years it's presence is affecting me and
I'm not sure why. Every time I hear a reference to Fur Rondy, the Winter
Celebration that occurs this time of year, every year, I'm instantly transported
to my ICU room (#2) that Nurse Shamese moved me in so that we (my family, cause
I was still immobile) could enjoy the Fur Rondy dog races (mushing). In the
years before, I hadn't particularly paid attention to Fur Rondy other than to
note that the Empty Bowl took place the week after it, now, I feel strangely connected
to it. Saturday night after Zach's hockey game, we loaded our family into the
car and rushed down to Ship Creek to catch the Fur Rondy Fireworks. Things did
not go as I hoped which made an even deeper impact to my wounded heart. I won't bore you
with the details, it was just stupid stuff, but it impacted me still. You see, I'm trying hard to make positive
memories out of a life shattering time. I'm not willing to let the tumor win! Sure things won't always turn out as I
plan or hope, but I want my boys, my husband, me to have great memories of
something fun we did together during this time, not to relive the fear, anxiety,
sadness and uncertainty that my sickness covered us with. I win/ WE WIN! Ha! Take that Hemangioblastoma!
In all of it,
I'm sure of a few things:
God is in complete control!
He was present through it all and He saved
me!
My husband is incredible & he loves me so much (the feeling is
mutual Babe ;) - I'm so thankful for you!
My boys are angels. (True they don't always act that way but, they warm my heart)
My family is amazing! Your sacrifices on my behalf are not forgotten. Thank you for loving me that much!
My prayer warriors are a complete
blessing. I know He was listening.
My friends have been outstanding, supportive & encouraging.
My Doctors, Nurses &
Therapists were hand picked.
Thank you for being part of this journey
with me. May God be glorified in it all!!!!!
Blessings
No comments:
Post a Comment