Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Each day is precious
Today I reflect on what I was doing 6 months ago. I was out of it, in the ER of the hospital while my family was getting horrific news that I had a brain tumor and hydrocephalus and that emergency surgery would be occurring tomorrow. While I was moved to ICU for the night, they were left there to gather their thoughts. I know from conversations with various family members that they were unsure I would even make through the surgery. My husband didn't know if he was going to have to tell our children that 'Mommy went to Heaven.' My Mom, Step Mom, and Dad had to think about losing their youngest daughter, and my sisters had to think about losing their baby sister. To my understanding, no one really asked what I would be like following the surgery, as their primary concern was getting me through the surgery. They would do whatever needed to be done, and they certainly have. I am so blessed to be loved so much. Every step of the way, they have tried to listen, support, and encourage me, to which I am so lucky. Unfortunately outcomes to my surgery weren't expected and my family knew not of what they would see when I returned. They have had to make some tough decisions on my behalf and I can honestly say - "I'm glad it was them and not me." I have been told many times that I am strong and out of us all, I am the only one who would have made it. I don't think so. I think God did it all. He knew it would happen and He handled the situation as need be. Do I like the outcome? Not particularly, but each and every day, I work hard to make it better. I would not wish this situation on anybody. I have learned a lot about myself and my incredible family. I know people ask me all the time, 'Why did this happen to you?' My response is "Why not me?" I have been to the edge of death and I realized that God is not done with me yet. I am an unfinished peace of work, who has yet to figure out what I am meant to be for His service. Still 6 months later, I don't doubt God's hand in every aspect of this experience. I can see His fingerprints in that day 6 months ago, to the selection of my brain surgeon, to my many awesome nurses, to my incredible therapists. I wonder how people look at my situation and don't see God. He is KING! He is merciful and mighty! He has begun a new work in me and I know He is faithful to complete it. I am attaching a scrap booked page that shows much of my jaunt through brain surgery. My family chose not to take picture of how horrendous I looked the days following surgery, but I look fairly normal now. My arms were covered in bruises, I had a central line (IV w/multiple ports) that came out from the jugular vein in my neck (right side). I was on Oxygen much of the time and had a suction hose nearby me too. Thankfully, I was not Trached (hole in neck for breathing). Of course I still have issues that need to be resolved and continued prayer is always appreciated. Please feel free to email me questions or comment them and I will do my best to get them answered. Thank you to all who have prayed for me. It has been heard and God is in the healing work (just not my speed :0). I am so thankful to be home and to hold those that I love so much.
Seizures - took my EEG on the 16th and should have results soon as to when I can get off the antisezure medication and when I can drive again - It has been since Oct 2009 since I took my lovely car for a spin :0)
Recurrence - the Doctor doesn't expect for my tumor to return as he believes he got it all and it should not regenerate another :0) NO VHL - so the possibilities of additional tumors throughout my body is rare and I didn't pass it onto my boys. Praise God! Follow up MRI will be in October we think and then yearly.
Double vision - went to the eye Doctor the other day and because it appears that my double vision is trying to correct itself, he doesn't feel that surgery should be considered - Yeah - No knives by my eyes, thank you! I will continue to wear a Prism cover on my left eye and that may be adjusted in the near future and potentially weaned away.
Walking - is getting better as I am working on my balance with therapy, exercises, my Wii, and lots of trips around Fred Meyers. We are now trying to also help my endurance as I am so week - walking up stairs still winds me ;0( My plan is to do some 5K's next spring/summer so I need to get myself in gear. From my PT - I should be done with therapy definitely by the end of the year.
Talking - is getting better, my real voice is breaking through and I am able to sing, somewhat, although it is more of an alto or tenor range. My speech therapist is trying hard to get me singing again - my enunciation has improved too, which means that people don't have to try so hard to understand me :0)
Swallowing - what everyone wants to know about - well let's just say it is coming along. I have been working very hard to be able to swallow pizza at Zach's birthday at the end of September. I have yet to go in for another swallow study to confirm our suspicions that I am swallowing. Our question is the amount.