Beauty for Ashes

This morning I decided to look for beauty instead for waiting for the world to present its over abundance of ugliness and negativity.  It seems that everyday the news is filled with horrible things that are happening in our world, state, even neighborhoods.  This all makes me so sad and I wonder whats to come. There isn't a day that I am not surprised by what I hear. I am horrified by what is going on in our world.  I am reminded that we live in a broken world with broken people.  I am not suggesting I am above this, but part of it too.  I am reminded that although we are broken, we don't have to live like that.  We can take the negative and turn it into a positive. Is it easy? NO? Is it without reservation or fear? Certainly not! Is it without judgement or condemnation? Nope.  Can we make a difference? Yes! It only has to start with one. Join me and make a difference in your family, friends, work, school, church, neighborhood, town, state and on. Start small. Tell those around you how much you love and appreciate them.  Help someone with their groceries. Pay it forward when you are buying your daily coffee. Say Thank You often, Hold a door open even if you are in a rush. Tell someone they are doing a great job.  Surprise people with RAOK (random acts of kindness).  That is how we begin to make beauty from ashes. We look for beauty instead of that which makes us sad, upset, disappointed, angered, judgmental,spiteful and hateful.

One of my favorite songs is Beauty for Ashes by Crystal Lewis and its below. I hope you enjoy it!

Blessings.

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what you've done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

Now what

It's been a long while since I posted. I haven't known what to write. When I was in recovery, thoughts or feelings were plentiful, but now.... I'm not sure they'd be worth sharing.  I'm in a funny place and I'm trying to figure it out. You see when my boys were home all day, I knew what I had to do. When I had a job before the boys, I knew where all my time would go. When I was in the first years of recovery, I constantly looked for & how to squash challenges. Now... I don't know... I'm kind of lost. I don't say that to elicit pity, it's just how I feel.  I don't feel as if I'm doing anything well, I'm just coasting by, hoping I don't fall apart.  It's easier I think to not pay attention to how you feel when you are so consumed with chores, tasks, jobs & caring for others.  You too easily lose who you are.  Well now that I have "ample" time to discover me, I can't seem to find any direction.  I know this feeling is impacting all realms of my life.  I am noticing my flaws much more & I am unwilling to forgive them. It's a tough place to be emotionally.  I'm trying to figure out what's next & I'm expecting someone to just tell me. I mean what could be easier? Have someone say to me.... This is what you were made for & you'll be successful & happy doing it. Ha! Problems solved!  If only it were that simple. In addition to my lack of direction, my fear seems so willing to nag at me, reminding me of all the deficits (perceived or not) that prevent me from moving forward. Stupid Brain Tumor, I want to be free from your grasp!

This is me, being real & raw, wondering where to head next. So now what?