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Waiting room outside ICU/CCU - Where my family lived for so long!

MRI testing

No Evidence of Tumor!!!!

Just got the great news that my MRI looks stable (same as last year) AND  I don't have to come back until 2016!!!!! Commence Happy Dance!!! Darren & Kadin came with me to my MRI results appointment and Candace (PA) & Dr. Kralick couldn't believe my baby was so big. The last time they same him, he was only a few weeks old. Now he's four!

Zach 2 1/2 yr old & Kadin 1 month

Zach 6 1/2 yrs old & Kadin 4 yrs old

I of course brought in brain/skull treats and some other gifts for Dr. Kralick. This time, I made a brain hat I saw online & a grow your own brain I found probably on Amazon. Oh the fun I have!

It's always great to see Dr. Kralick! I even remembered to have Darren take a picture as the only one I have is one of my first few visits where I still look like I was run over by a train.

Dr. Kralick & I - he's holding the brain cap I made him :0)

cupcakes with black & white skulls

This year we celebrated the great news at Red Robin! Yummmm

The news still seems surreal. I guess I always approached the possibility of recurrence as not possible... I'm not sure it was denial it could happen or just confident I was done with this chapter. Could anything appear again? Well, I guess anythings possible, but I don't thinks it's very probable.  Instead of focusing on that, I think I'd rather focus on my family!

Thank you all for your continued prayers & support. I'm not 100%, but I am doing quite well! Thank you God!!!!


Blessings.

milestones

Another milestone has been reached! Praise God!!! Putting this 15 month possible recovery zone to shame! I over 4 years!!!!!  Yesterday, we found a snowboard for Zach at Toys R Us. We headed out to give it a whirl at the sledding hill at our Elementary school. I planned to bring the inner tube & to ride it to the bottom of the hill & take video of Zach's first tries on the board. After climbing up the easier side with Darren's arm assist, I lined up for my intended first & only ride down the hill. I say only because that hill has been a fear of mine for the past few years. I have always had to have Darren's assist up to the top using the easier side, so I thought that there was no way I'd make it up the sledding hill. I climbed onto the tube & Kadin hoped on top. We blasted down the hill, Kadin screamed in delight! When we finally came to a stop, I secretly fretted about getting back across the field to the bottom of the hill. Before I even got a chance to let my fear & worry set in, Kadin jumped up and said 'come on Momma, let's go again!' How could I say no to that? I breathed deep, looked at the hill and started up. I confirmed my fear & the potential outcome : Falling - and then I thought, just try!!! So I did! Guess what, I MADE IT! Wahoo!!! Victory! My boys congratulated me at the top of the hill. Over the rest of the time there I slid & climbed up the hill with both my boys. Victory for sure!!! Praise God! I stumbled once when I lost my focus, but I recovered without falling backward down the hill. My sweet boy Zach was instantly by my side seeing if he could help - what a treasure he is! I told him ' no, thank you, Momma had to do this on her own.' I'm not sure he understood that, but he graciously stepped aside. It was a big afternoon!!! Zach did awesome at his first tries snowboarding. He got up all the way.... Wahoo!

So beyond blessed to be here for this & to finally feel part of it. I don't think I've totally conquered that hill in the winter because snow can be so diverse depending on the weather, but I will try again!

Blessings!

Hooray

Today was the ceremonial start of the Iditarod and that stirs up so many emotions for me.  I remember going downtown as a kid and watching the mushers & dogs.  You could feel the excitement in the air. The mushers hustled around their sleds double checking that every dog was securely in their harness. Dogs were jumping, panting, barking, ready to go.  For years, I didn't give much attention to The Last Great Race, but I couldn't help but pay attention four years ago.  I was in ICU at Alaska Regional and a day or so before the start of the Iditarod Nurse Shamese decided I needed a room with a better view.  The morning of the Iditarod my room starting buzzing with family & nurses' anxious to see the teams.  I so longed to be out of that hospital bed and out in the cold, cheering on the dogs.  Two years after that day, I was on the sidelines cheering the teams on as they headed out of town.  Hooray for getting better!!!

4 years on the 25th

4 years... Can it be?

I look to Kadin & realize that it has been four years since my surgery and I'm overcome with emotion.  I didn't realize until recently that February is a tough month for me. I'm overjoyed that my baby is growing up and that I've been tumor free for so long but, I'm also feeling a little out of sorts too. It's almost as if I can't put my finger on the right emotion or there are too many that I can't label them all.  I know I feel sad, desperate, happy, thoughtful, angry, mournful, reflective,  blessed, hurt, cheated, stretched, and much more.  Most days I'm sad that this happened, but thankful it did. Is that possible? Does that make sense? Without it, I wouldn't be who I am today and for the most part I like me better. I still struggle with my feelings about the way I walk & talk, but with God's help, I've conquered quite a bit in both those arenas.  I'm still hopeful things are/will change in those areas, but I'm also working on acceptance, which has been a huge, dry, awkward, sour pill to swallow.  I can only pray that God continues to help me with this. I've been so blessed to be surrounded by family & friends (new & old) that accept me fully.

As I sit on my couch this morning, drinking coffee & writing this, knowing my boys will be up any minute, I'm feeling blessed! I can remember how I felt in ICU when I thought about my future & the role I played in it.  I was so sure it would have been much different. I didn't see myself able to be so involved and although at times, I wish to take a moment & unplug, I'm beyond grateful that I can do all these things.  Things like taking your kids to school or sports practice, helping in their classrooms, trips to the store or to visit Daddy at work, I didn't think were possible and I think most people forget the luxury of that. I can say selfishly, I do. There are days when I don't want to go to the store & get groceries, or cook dinner, go to swimming/hockey practice/games, brush teeth, do laundry, but I must AND I need to be Thankful I can. Is this easy????? Heck No & it takes a ton of effort & some days I fail miserably, some days I get it only half right & occasionally I feel grateful and get it all right.

So after 4 years, I'm still learning.  I'm praying things go forward.

Thanks for listening to my rants.

Blessings.

Have to VS Blessed to

I'm a LIST girl. I love the feeling of crossing things off the list.  I feel so accomplished when the list is done!

Confession : sometimes I add things to the list I've already done, just so I can cross them off - he he he

One list I always have running through my head is the 'Have To's'.  It doesn't matter if your a parent, spouse, partner, child, sibling, friend, etc.  We all have responsibilities!!!   I'm going to try and challenge myself to change my thinking from a have to list to a blessed to list, cause to be honest, I am blessed.

Have To:
Get boys up & ready for the day
Get Zach's lunch packed & to school
Get Kadin to school on his set days
Get myself to the gym at least 3 days a week
Get groceries
Clean house
Laundry
Trash
Dishes
Run errands
Cook dinner
Zach to swimming & hockey
Snacks, tuition & helper for school
Keep track of Birthdays & special days - cards, presents, parties, etc.



Blessed To:
Get Zach's lunch packed & to school
Get Kadin to school on his set days
Get myself to the gym at least 3 days a week
Get groceries
Clean house
Laundry
Trash
Dishes
Run errands
Cook dinner
Zach to swimming & hockey
Snacks, tuition & helper for school
Keep track of Birthdays & special days - cards, presents, parties, etc.
Get to spend time with my husband, children, incredible family & friends.

Just a few years ago, some of this looked difficult & impossible, but TODAY it's not. So Thankful for God's ability and graciousness to restore me.

Here's to a blessed heart & a better way of thinking!


Blessings.

Happy 2014

Happy 2014!
The boys head back to school this week and their extra curricular activities begin again too.  I am ready for a schedule again!!!

I haven't blogged in a while because I've haven't known what to write about....so here goes...

Two months ago.... I was notified of a horrible accident that a fellow board members' husband had while mountain biking.  He has spent time at Providence ICU, St. Elias Hospital, and will head out to Craig Hospital (Colorado) this week.  He has a wonderful wife who serves on the Preschool Board with me and two young children. Darren has worked with Luke on past construction jobs too.  It's amazing how small Anchorage is. Please pray for Luke & his family as they travel down this new path.  Here is the link to his story that was featured in ADN this weekend...

http://www.adn.com/2014/01/03/3257658/community-helps-put-anchorage.html

I also came across a neat video by a young woman who has Aphasia.... I can relate!!!

http://www.faithit.com/brave-stroke-survivor-teaching-world-talk-to-people-with-disabilities/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=faithit_newsletter&utm_content=faithit+20140104

My news... I ate my first steak this month & it was SO GOOD! No, I'm not vegetarian, I haven't been able to eat steak in the past because it was to tough for me. I have also gotten back on my EFX and I did a mile on it the other day in 8 minutes 50 seconds. Wahoo!!!

I hope to keep sharing great things with you in 2014!

Blessings.