Today is Rare Disease Day and Brain Tumors are considered just that! Wow! Rare! Hmmm... What do I think about that and the fact I got one??? Over the last seven years, I have had a lot of time to ponder the whys? I never allowed myself to wallow in the 'poor me' talk very long. Instead, I chose to focus on the why nots? I accepted the facts I couldn't change. I didn't argue with the statistics, I took Dory's advice & kept swimming.
So what about those why nots? During my first few months of recovery, I heard from family, friends, Doctors, Nurses, Therapists and strangers... asking - but why you? I quickly got sick of hearing those questions and began responding with why not me?
Guess what? I still don't have an answer to that question either! It does however requires me to fully evaluate my circumstance, even today, and forces me to make a choice, be thankful or not? I'd like to say I always choose Thankfulness, but I still find it tough sometimes to deal with my lingering deficits. It's hard to admit your shortcomings, real or unreal. Things I see as roadblocks may seem trivial or silly to others, but to me they still matter. I question so much of how this situation changed me, hoping it's mostly for the better, but recognizing some is not. I know I'm speaking in generalities, but I'm still not comfortable airing all my insecurities.
When all is said & done, if I've know you for a month or for years, I hope I have come across as someone who is Thankful that I have had this brain tumor experience. I will never have the 'reason' that this happened, but throughout it all, I've been blessed more than I can say and I'm grateful for that. I've discovered many truths throughout this. Truths about God, people, love, healing, possibility and about myself. I'm making lemonade from these lemons. I'm turning my mess into my message. I've been blessed by so many, I hope I've returned the favor & continue to do so.
So on this Rare Diseases Day, I'm going to embrace the fact I'm RARE and be glad with that.