Praise You in This Storm

Ever have one of those days that you wish would end or restart? Today has been that day for me. I am really really really frustrated with not swallowing and not being able to eat. Everything is around food - family dinners, social gatherings, meal times, etc. and I am sick of it. I just want to be able to eat - so instead of complaining any further, I am asking for prayer. Please let God move me out off the way of His plan and heal me according to His will. Thank you so much. The below is lyrics to one of my theme songs.. if you can listen to it on the internet, it is amazing. Listen to the words and really feel it. Thanks again!

Blessings


Praise You in This Storm - Casting Crowns
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

Can Hardly Believe

Tomorrow is Darren's and my 7 year Wedding Anniversary! WOW - time flies. It feels like just yesterday we were planning for prom and graduation and yet time has passed us by. We both graduated from college and I got my Masters in Counseling Psych., we are in our second house (hopefully final one for a while), we have an adorable dog, Lucky, have two amazing sons, and have fought a brain tumor together. Feels like it should be longer. I married my best friend and an amazing individual. I keep learning about his strengths as each new day passes. I love him even more today than I did that day in August 2003 when I became his wife. This year it has become even more evident that I have an incredible husband. Often times I think we realize how good we have it, but until you go through a difficult situation, you don't often see what people are made of. My husband has proven this to me this year. His grace, loyalty, courage, strength, and love have been awesome to watch over these past 6 months. I never realized how much he loved me until now. God truly designed us for each other. I don't want to come across as if we have a storybook relationship, but when it comes to the question of who couldn't you live your life without, I always think of him and of course my two boys. What an incredible man, husband and father he is. What a lucky girl I am. I can't wait til I am eating again so I can kidnap him for a weekend for just the two of us.

Day of Differences

Well today has been an interesting day. It started by me doing speech therapy and eating a Annie's cheddar bunny and sipping Mango Nectar. Yeah, bit by bit it is coming along. Then I went to physical therapy and worked on correcting my balance and finished with endurance training. Because my balance is getting better, I get to start endurance training to ensure I can keep up with the boys. I am so week and my body aches constantly, but I know with hard work I will overcome it all. I am so blessed to have two awesome therapists who believe in me. I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am. The picture I have included is one I received today of my little friend (my tumor) before it was resected from my brain. The big mass in the middle of the screen about the size of a half dollar is the cyst that accompanied my tumor. The cyst fed off my pregnancy (extra blood & hormones) and created the hydrocephalus I also had. The small pea shaped nodule next to the cyst was my tumor, albeit small, it still created a lot of problems for me because my surgeon had to peel it off of my brain stem. I heard this week that my surgeon had performed surgery on a man about my age just this past week. Although he had a different type of tumor, he still had surgery in the same location. Please pray for him and his family as he is still on a ventilator and tracheotomy. This could have been me. The weekend after my surgery, these interventions were approached in regard to my care. Thankfully, neither was performed. I am soooooo grateful to God for His divine healing.

After physical therapy I went to see my internist, who is in control of my general care and she said she had to do a double take, I didn't look the same. In two months, I have changed greatly. She is so happy with where I am and where I am going that she scheduled no follow up appointments as she didn't deem them necessary. Yeah! I have my follow up EEG scheduled for Monday, my 7th wedding anniversary with Darren. I look forward to celebrating with him once I am eating again :0) I pray that the EEG comes back without any spikes indicating no seizures, once this has been done, I am going to be weaned off of my seizure medication. After I have been off that for a month, I am able to drive. Another step closer to NORMAL!

I have so much to be THANKFUL for. I am very surprised by my MRI pictures, but ultimately I know that God was holding me in the palm of His loving hands, ensuring that I was okay.

Thank you for listening and for your continued prayers, it is appreciated.

Blessings

Just One of Them Days

So some have said "you just seem so positive, don't you have a bad day?" YES, YES, YES I do have bad days, just like everyone else, I just don't figure people want to hear about my bad days. It is only 1:30 pm and today is already a doozy. It started as a beautiful day, sun shinning, so my husband suggested we get out and get some fresh air. Originally, I suggested a park, then I said the zoo. Bad idea! You see, this is Zach's favorite place on the planet and as I shortly discovered, it isn't made for handicapped people. I guess if someone was pushing you in a wheelchair you would be fine but if you are learning to walk, it is impossible. Every slant was a challenge. Before I became pregnant with Kadin, Zach and I would come here weekly or bi-monthly to check on the animals. Now, every nook and cranny was a struggle for me. The highs and lows of the rock pathway were a challenge the whole way and we didn't even see half the zoo. I tried my hardest to charge through the pain to make sure Zach was able to see his favorites, the bald eagles. To understand how it was for me, imagine a tough climb for you and pretend you are trying to scale that with a 100 lb pack on your back. I am really not pretending. I feel like I am trapped in the body of a 90 year old and it is sooooooooo frustrating. I am not sure what to do but it makes me feel horrible. What kind of mother can't take her kids to the zoo? What kind of wife can't go out to dinner with her husband? ME! Ugh! Well there you have it, a bad day in the life of me. I know ultimately it will get better, but right now I feel cruddy.
Thanks for listening.

Blessings

Rules from God for 2010

I received this the other day and I am reminded again and again to K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid). I need to remember that there are miracles every day and just because it isn't the particular one that I want, I still need to rejoice and be thankful... so enjoy the reminder :0)

Rules from God for 2010

1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7

3 . Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!..... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as w e have opportunity, let us do good..."Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up !!.. To the Lord. "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up !!.. Your Prayers. "Do not worry about anything;Instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING." Philippians 4:6

Blessings

Coming Up Fast

I can hardly believe that my little man is 6 months old today. WOW! Time has sure flown and I have sure changed. My 6 months will be the 25th of this month. It is hard to believe some days. My journey continues but I am so thankful that I am on it. Today, I went and saw my Neurosurgeon. I couldn't remember his name at the beginning of my hospital stay so I called him Santa... now that you have seen the picture you will understand, especially if you have seen him in the local Providence ads. Anyways, I had a good check up where we watched me walk, had me talk, asked about swallowing and my eyes and verified that I was doing good. He seemed rather pleased with my progress. I brought him a gift I made especially for him. For quite a few years I have dressed bears for the Salvation Army and since this was fresh on my brain I thought of a great present for Dr. Kralick. I gave him a build a bear dressed in scrubs with its own medical bag. On its chest it proudly displayed a button that stated Brain: All you need is lobe. He thought it was so cool. He showed it off to his staff like a proud papa. I was able to see his PA whom I also adore. What a gift. He has a talent and is using it to save lives. Yeah! I hope when I go back in two months to be walking even better and swallowing even more. What a blessing this has been. Thanks again to everyone for their prayers.

Blessings

p.s. I look horrible because I had PT (physical therapy) before this :0)

Thankful

Today, I am thankful. I just finished reading a blog by someone whose husband has VHL and all the complications he has had. WOW. I am yet again reminded that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Although, I often wonder what that looks like as I have been through a lot. Overall, I am so thankful to be alive and on the road to recovery. God is good all the time.

Thank you for your continued prayers, I certainly appreciate it.

Blessings